Brave strange world

Well there was this girl
we dated sometimes
she didn't like the movie I chose
I already hated hers from the beggining
it wasn't such a bad movie but
 I just felt like it was
and to make things worse I'm not sure
if we liked each other enough
probably not 'cause we didn't date anymore
but we liked the coffee at Nero's
and we never kissed 
and that's a good thing 
so I think we were just doing
things for not getting bored
I used to be bored all the time
I got bored from reading the same stuff
again and again instead of
reading new stuff because it was
more complicated than I thought
and I didn't want to have to think anymore
thinking is such a terrible hobby
I just couldn't stop so I had
strange thoughts in my mind
There never was this girl I dated
but there was this girl I liked
which I still do
and I pictured her every night
naked in my bed but
it never lasted for two minutes
but imagining her with others
that lasts forever, still now
it will last even if I kill every male on Earth
which I definitely intend to do
just before myself
and I say this because you will never reach here
at this point I've bored you too much
that was always my plan
since I'm no good to make it better
I'm not Jude
no one wrote beatiful songs for me
and if they had I would have told them
not to do it again
I'm not the kind who likes things
things are boring
I used to like heavy metal
never too much but it was fun
I liked other bands even more
but the thing with metal is that
you can disturb people
who doesn't understand
who doesn't care
who are afraid of it
so they can tag you 
because otherwise they won't be able
and they are lost if they don't tag people
so it was a game
everything was a game but never won
I've never win anything but
stupid contests against children
about writing stupid things
as good as I could
and it was far better than them
but no good at all
even now after one thousand pages written
there's nothing good on them
good things are to work and drive
and having a house and a wife
and visiting familiars
and going to gym and meeting partners
and discussing the weather and TV
and having the same conversations
over and over again
when people waits for you to end
so they can answer anything not related
and call it 'conversation' and finish
and put it into a file 
and wait for someone to evaluate
such an enormous achievement
I had this thing for serial killers
probably due to some movies
I liked Dahmer, he ate people
because he felt alone
he became a mass-media hero
because he was a handsome man
so intellligent and calm
I wonder how would it be
to be handsome and speak calmly
no doubt it would be fantastic
then I read about Chikatillo
the russian pedophile
and I quit liking serial killers
and not sleeping for a month
and buying russian food
it was crap anyways
hey listen to this the other week I
ran into this polish shop
(polish as in 'people from Polland')
and not knowing what to buy
got my hands on the freezer
and grabbed first thing I found
after paying and leaving I checked
it was a frozen package
2 kg. of chicken hearts
they taste horrible
so i cooked them with rice 
previously adding onion
pepper and garlic and oil
everything well cooked
and it's not that bad
so after that I can keep
writing bad stuff
listening to old stuff 
reading boring stuff
all trought the night
because these are things I can understand
I've never understand anything useful
not in school
neither in college
of course not in any job 
not often while sex
except just once when everything came perfect
I like to think the others were OK
fortunately I'm afraid to ask
and the best is yet to come
and probably never happening
because picturing her with others
is becoming a fantasy
so painful and real
that I never want to ask
so I'll leave her be
and forty years from now 
if both are alive 
meh, no, not even then
don't want to waste too much space
and time
everything is a waste of time
congratulations if you've reached here
there's no prize
if you want a kiss I'm here
if you want a decent fuck I'm here
if you want to listen to music
while we drink and eat jellys
or if you just want to talk
I'll be here because there's no other way
no escape from here
that's why I hate first floors